Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
