We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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