and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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