wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
