hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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