do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
time to smoke my breakfast
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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