I don't remember. Are we still dating?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
