Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize