Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
