Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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