considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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