oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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