Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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