You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
