i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
