there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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