Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
