Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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