are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
