If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
