plz talk dirty to me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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