Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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