Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize