no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
