I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
