My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
