Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
