im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
