Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
