That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
