I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
