he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
