he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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