I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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