we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
