I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
