wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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