so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize