i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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