I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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