o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
