Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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