I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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