whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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