I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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