i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
