id be glad to
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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