Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
