just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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