These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
