This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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