I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
