Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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