You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
