if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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