yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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