Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
