so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
