Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
