Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
