Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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