Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
