I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
