Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
