Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
