i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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