is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
