We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
