you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
